Managing guilt
Have you ever felt guilt in your role as a caregiver? Know that most caregivers experience this normal feeling to some extent at some point in their journey. However, it is best when it is not too significant in your daily life because it could add to your mental stress.
Feeling guilty can be a leverage for change or lead to adverse effects. The first step in reducing this feeling of guilt is to recognize it and explore what created it. For example, is it something you did, postponed or didn’t do? By paying attention to what is causing this guilt, you will be able to identify your values and act on them. Once you recognize it, it is helpful to ask yourself questions, so you can understand it better and thus make any desired change.
How do you find a nice balance between your own needs and those of your loved one? Take the time to weigh pros and cons before making decisions. You might also find it helpful to examine actions taken in the past to reduce your feelings of guilt. If they had a positive impact on you, your feelings or your perception, they could serve as a reference and guide you in your change toward this feeling.
You don’t answer the phone when you know that the person you look after is calling you. You feel guilty. Upon closer examination of your behaviour, you did not answer because you were busy with housework and you wanted to finish it before leaving for your appointment, to give yourself peace of mind. However, you are concerned and wonder if your loved one is okay. You decide to call them when you get back. The next day, the same thing happens, and you cannot answer the call. The guilt comes back. Since you do not want to continually go through this situation, you decide to address the situation with your loved one. You remember that in the past you asked your children to leave messages and that this had helped reduce your stress level and guilt. You decide to put this change into practice in your caregiver role. When you are busy, it would be better for your loved one to leave a message on your voicemail. You can then determine whether you need to call your loved one back right away in the event of a problem.
You can participate in themed workshops, talks and support groups, or consult a psychosocial support worker for support.
Do not hesitate to contact our team of counsellors for caregivers of seniors, by phone at 1-855-852-7784 or by email at info-aidant@lappui.org, for support or referrals.
Table de concertation des organismes communautaires, secteur personnes aînées de Sherbrooke. Être aidant pas si évident – Guide prévention de l’épuisement pour les aidants naturels. (2018). [in French]
CISSS de la Mauricie-et-du-Centre-du-Québec. Soins palliatifs et de fin de vie – Guide pour les proches aidants. [in French]
Need to talk?
Contact our Caregiver Support Helpline for counselling, information and referrals.
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